See sometimes I base my more humorous entries on one line I think of during the day. Then when I write then post my entry I realize I have forgotten to put in that line I wrote the whole entry around.

I really hate when I do that. And I don�t usually realize it till shortly after I�ve already posted the entry. I mean I could go back and put it in, but the majority of the time that means re-writing large portions of the entry so the line makes sense.

So I say fuck it�the entry is good enough I�ll just save that line for another time.

Only I don�t do the smart thing and write down the line for a later use. This always means I�ll never end up using that line unless by pure luck I remember it again.

But then there are lines I think of and wonder�gee should I really use that line? I mean its mildly offensive humor that might be more offensive then humorous.

Plus I try and keep my crass, baser humor down to a lower percentage so I don�t completely dumb down this diary to the point that any new *and some long time readers* might thing I�m a flaming moron.

Which�you know could be very well the truth, but if it is I�d rather not have the illusion broken.

Now I�m thinking with these lines why the fuck don�t I just go ahead and use them!

Yeah, but I�ve forgotten most of those like I�ve forgotten the ones I intended to put in a diary entry. Plus most of them fit into specific entries so sticking them somewhere else has the potential of killing most of the original humor of said line.

Instead I�m using lines I�ve carefully crafted for your amusement and put into a list that depicts the basic idea behind said lost lines of appalling humor.

So in the memory of lost humor I give to you�

The list of vaguely appalling things I probably wouldn�t put in a regular entry, but have no problem making a list of.

1. I came to the realization lately that I�ve been smoking way to many cigarettes. How I cam to this realization is that I just farted and it smelled like an ashtray. Time to lay of the smokes, Slappy.

2. Don�t you just hate when your nuts itch so much while standing in public you are willing to find the first crotch high kid with a crew cut and rub those bristly hairs over your mini planet populaters just so no one thinks you�re scratching your balls?

Better to be considered a pedophile then the guy who got caught scratching his nuts in public I always say.

3. You know George Bush Jr. wouldn�t be such a bad guy if he didn�t horribly suck at giving head.

4. I once had a woman ask me if I tickle my balls while I tweak my nipples in the darkness of my bedroom. And I asked her if she thought it would be in bad taste if I asked her sister if she liked doing that to me or not.

I�m thinking I�m never going to get to sleep with that woman�.maybe her sister though.

5. Do you think it�s a bad idea that I should tell a friend I�ve had fantasies about fucking his mother up the ass on occasion?

Oh to late�he didn�t appreciate my candor.

6. When ever I see a dog with enormous balls I have to wonder has that dog ever tea bagged his owner when they where sleeping?

I�m sure there is porn dedicated to this particular pondering.

7. I wonder why no one has invented pills for men to take so there sperm tastes like a sweet treat like strawberry shortcake or cherry hard candy. And if so are there men out there who compete with there girlfriend/wife to eat his sperm when they are both on a diet?

8. I bet you a lame puppet show is better then getting a dick up your ass any day.

9. I say if you get busted by an undercover cop posing as a hooker you should get a mandatory hand job from her.

I mean after all she�s fucked you pretty good you might as well have the big pay off at the end of it.

10. Apparently I seriously offended a girl friend of mine when I stated my preference of having my ass slapped occasionally when being given head.

Then again I probably could have picked a better time to say it then at the dinner table at her parent�s house.

Next time I�ll wait till the holidays are over before I bring that up with her again.

11. Speaking of getting head. Beware of any man found purchasing a wet/dry vacuum while buying Vaseline in bulk.

I�m just saying.

12. You know what I don�t get about strip tease bars?

How come it costs that much for a lap dance when you can get the same thing for free on a seriously crowded bus?

13. I think the fine art of fucking with a little kid�s head has gone seriously unappreciated in this day and age.

14. I wonder if its easier to get booty calls at retirement homes if you cover your dick in Ben Gay first.

15. I can�t wait till the day they finally create working teleporters.

Then I can take a big ol steaming pile of crap on the pad and send it to every telemarketer who calls me. That way I can really let them know how I feel when they call me in the middle of my dinner.

So�I wonder how many readers I�ll lose with this entry.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003