Yet I don�t think any of you quite grasp this concept to its fullest. Or understand how much of a personal danger I am to myself with these sudden bursts of comedy routines turn real life.

Well maybe after my most recent encounter with myself you�ll truly understand what I�m talking about. Just�don�t get me locked up for it. I think I can still kick my own ass in a padded room and it would probably be the only entertainment I would have.

Ok so this is how it goes. I had borrowed Dragonhawke�s Play Station 2 so I could play some Ever Quest online.

Though fun as it is there is a serious draw back to playing this game. They don�t have a keyboard for there PS2 yet so in order to speak anything other then the hot keys you have to scroll through a key board you can bring up on the screen.

A real pain in the ass when you�re trying to speak a coherent sentence.

Anyways I find a guy who is willing to sell me a few rings and a amulet for a pretty cheap price. This results in a long conversation of asking and answering questions back and forth.

Ever so frustrating without an actual keyboard.

Well about half way through this my ass decides�hey�I need to drop a bomb like now. So drop what you�re doing now or I�m dropping a load in your pants.

So I have to quick as possible tell this guy I�ll be right back, don�t go away. I�m doing this while I�m squeezing my cheeks together for dear life and dancing in my chair.

Finally I type it out and run to the crapper, pulling my pants down the entire way there.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhh relief.

So I flush the toilet, pull my pants back up thinking I�m done with all this.

That�s till I�m sitting there talking to the guy again and I can hear my damn toilet overflowing.

Without even bothering to type anything up I spring out of my chair and desperately plunge my toilet. Something I�ve been having to do a lot lately because anything bigger then a small hot dog can plug my toilet now.

Now my bathroom floor is soaked and so are my socks since I couldn�t stand at the perimeter of the pool of water and plunge the toilet.

Quick clean up of the floor, ignoring my socks, I rush back out the game hoping this guy didn�t disappear on me when I stopped replying to him.

Phew he stuck around. He must be desperate for some money.

I swear not even a minute after I started talking to this guy again my ass began growling at me again.

Hey, asshole! I wasn�t done yet! Sure I could have let you known that the past half dozen times you where back and forth in the bathroom, but hey. I get pretty bored down here. I gotta find something for entertainment you know.

Sighing I get up once again to hit the bathroom while grumbling curses under my breath.

Don�t want my ass to hear them�he might play more vicious jokes one me at a later date.

Walking towards the bathroom I realize how totally soaked the bottom of my socks are. I mean making audible squishy sounds kind of soaked.

Now a wise man would sit back down and calmly take off his socks one at a time by grasping them with his hands and sliding them off each foot easily.

Me�.I�m obviously not a wise man.

Instead I step on the toe of the sock with my other foot then proceed to give my foot a yank thinking I�ll have it out double quick this way.

Well my foot did come out of my sock, but I managed to trip myself in the process. Which sent me tumbling forward head first into the book case not two feet away.

It would have been nice if my head slipped into one of the shelves and bumped off one of many soft cover books. Or maybe squeeze through a gap and let my shoulder hit the edge instead of taking the brunt on top of my noggin.

Nope I instead put the top of my head right at the junction of a shelf and the side of the shelving unit. One of the tougher, harder, has less give spots on a book shelf hitting me right where I previously had a soft spot on my head as a baby.

I clunked it so hard and fast it completely reversed my momentum, spun me ninety degrees, and sent me landing square on my ass.

Some how during this strange little dance I managed to scrape the inside of my left arm and the outside edge of my right foot on�something. Scrapped my right foot so good I tore skin off and began the bleed.

So as I�m laying there on the floor a bit dazed and confused trying to regain my sense. Shit from the now wobbling book shelf started tumbling off and landing on top of me.

Two things in particular. A Maxim magazine fell of a higher shelf and landed square on my face. Which let me tell you that�s a heavy magazine and feels like someone slapped you right across the cheek if it falls from a high enough vantage point.

Which it did have a high enough vantage point by the way.

The second thing to tumble off the shelf came from the very top of it. You know those little candles you can get in those thick, small glass containers? You know the ones you think look so cute and possibly have a double purpose. Burn the candle till its gone then clean out the container and you got yourself a little thing to hold nick knacks!

Yeah�I really hate those candles now.

So one of those tumbles off the top of my shelf and hits me right in my left thigh leaving a big bruise there right now.

Though admittedly I can be thankful that it didn�t fall about a foot or so up higher on my body or I would really have something to complain about.

Now I�m sitting there on the floor rubbing my aching head while covering my body with my other arm desperately trying to block any other falling debris.

In the end I came out with a lump on top of my head, a bleeding, scrapped up right foot, a scrapped up left arm, and a bruised left thigh.

Do you believe me now!?!

Can you see now how dangerous it is to be me?

Though for anyone around me its gotta be a real hoot.

Maybe I should just start offering a percentage of earnings to my friends so they can video tape this shit so I can send it off for television shows.

I bet I�d make a killing in Japan.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003