That was seeing my mom up on the stage acting again. She took a few years break from it and has mostly focused on directing, producing, stage/set design, costumes, make up and just about everything else that makes a theater run.

Pretty much she is a renaissance woman when it comes to theater. If you need it done not only does she know how to do it, but she can get it done by herself if necessary.

Anyway she was specifically requested by the head of the theater department, and director of the play, to try out for the role of �Big Mamma� in �Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.�

Try outs where a bit of a formality with her really. He knew she would be wonderful for the role so before she even picked up the script she had the role.

Though my mother, she of the overly modest, was nervous about trying out and not sure she fit the role.

Of course she ignores the fact the head of the theater department loves her ass!

Not literally mind you, this guy isn�t trying to catch a little bootay cool from my mom. Which, first off, I�d have to punch his damn lights out if that was his reasoning for this kind of thing. And second�EW!

The reason he loves the hell out of her is because she is just that damn good. I mean she has been doing this for more then twenty years not and despite no formal education in theater she knows it better then just about anyone else.

Though don�t bother asking her that because as I said she is �She of the overly modest.�

Even though there is one piece of evidence that is blindingly clear how unbelievably good she is at it.

Here, let me tell you and you be the judge of it.

Imagine a local community college near your town has a completely volunteer theater department. Either you are there because you like to be part of theater or your taking a class on theater there.

There is only three type of people they pay to do anything for the theater department.

1. The head of the theater department who runs the theater and teaches all the classes.

2. Special guest star actors that you have actually seen in movies or on television.

3. My mother.

Yep my mother, the same woman that thinks she is alright in theater, is one of only a rare breed of people who have been paid to do a play for the community college here. Not only get paid, but be one of the rare few people aloud to take the reigns of directing a play away from the head of the theater department.

He�s a picky fucker with some deep control issues. If that isn�t enough proof to you that my mother kicks ass in theater then seriously�here�s fifty cents�call someone to give you a clue.

Just as I thought she was absolutely fantastic in this play, but it brought up yet one more thing I�ll never be able to get out of my brain ever again. Maybe if I take a steel wool pad to my frontal lobe I�ll forget this, but anything short of a at home, do it yourself lobotomy will make me forget this.

Last time this happened is when she was in the play �Agnus of God� dressed like a Nun while swearing up a storm and smoking away.

This time it�s her sitting in a chair in front of the audience. The scene shows her in a playful mood on �Big Daddy�s� birthday. So as she is sitting there she calls the minister to come over and give her a hand up out of the chair. When he reaches for her she grabs his wrist, pulls him over her lap, and proceeds to spank his ass.

I swear people if I had a camera I would be sharing this shit with you all.

Over all it was just great to see my mother back up on the stage doing the thing she loves most.

It was also great to see my brother again who I but rarely see. Usually on during Thanksgiving and Christmas time.

What did shock me is the day of the show I come to find out he has a girlfriend. Something I personally have not seen in since the two of us lived together about almost twenty years ago.

Not saying he hasn�t had any, but he hasn�t had any around here since before he went off to the army.

So, you know, I had to go take a shower and shave my face before I headed out there. I mean first off I�m going into public. I may be a hermit in life, but I don�t need to be looking or smelling like one.

I mean it just doesn�t sit well when you go to the theater and meet your brother�s girlfriend for the first time smelling like ass and looking like you are trying to do a Timothy McVeigh impersonation.

But everything went perfectly time for �first impressions.� She turned out to be a very lovely woman with a great smile and quite pretty too. And I managed to keep myself to minimum words so as not to make an ass of myself.

Hey I think that�s pretty good figuring I had an overwhelming urge to nudge my brother and put on a corny southern accent and say �she�s purty�good catch brotha.�

This wouldn�t have gone over so well when I figured out some time after that impulse that she is actually southern herself.

See�right there goes to show you that sometimes I have good sense.

Something you couldn�t tell about two entries ago when I nearly knocked myself out with my own stupidity.

And here is where things come to a screeching hault as I�m completely out of any other kind of material other then rehashing the classics like �poo is a funny word and it stinks too� and �my dick feels funny.�

I swear pure comedy gold if you mention poo and dicks.

Can�t go wrong with that�unless, you know, your audience happens to be full of men with there dicks cut off in some mysterious accident and all of them are hooked up to a colostomy bag.

And come one..how often can something like that happen?

Two�maybe three times at best.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003